We are settling disputes that have been ongoing for millennia. Using focused precision, we get to the heart of the matter and determine, once and for all, the victor in epic battles. Welcome to RIVALS.
Today in Rivals, we have blowjobs going up against handjobs (or as I like to call them, blowjobs without the mouth part). Sure, they are both good, but which one is better? I will break it down for you in five rounds and let us see who comes out on top (besides the guy getting the blowjob or handjob, of course).
ROUND 1: EASIER TO DO WHILE DRIVING
Any dude who has ever received a BJ in the car or any girl who has given one knows that it can be a little awkward. Oh, it is definitely doable, but depending on the configuration of the middle console and the size of the participants, it often doesn’t go as smoothly as it could. As for handjobs, well that is much easier with the chick just needing to reach over and not having to contort her body to get her head into the guy’s lap.
ROUND 1 Winner: HANDJOB
ROUND 2: BRAGGING RIGHTS
Hey guys, which one of these statements would impress your friends more:
1) “Dudes, you see that hot chick over there? She just stroked my penis up and down with her hand.”
2) “Dudes, you see that hot chick over there? She just sucked my dick!”
ROUND 2 Winner: BLOWJOB
ROUND 3: LESS OF A MESS
It might be easier to give a handjob in car, but when it is all over now there’s cum all over the chick’s hand and the guy’s chest and often all over his shirt and pants as well. Oh, and don’t forget the jizz that landed on the door handle and the steering wheel when the girl was shaking the cock all over the place trying to make it finally bust its nut.
Now look at the car after a blowjob? Yup, that’s right, it looks as good as new. No cum on the seats or on your clothes. All the cum is where it should be, in the chick’s mouth and down her throat. Sure, that does mean there is no kissing after a BJ, but…
ROUND 3 Winner: BLOWJOB
ROUND 4: WATCHING TV
This is a tough category. You see, both participants can easily watch TV during a handjob . Whereas with a blowjob the chick is often in a position where the screen is behind her so she can only listen. Given all that, you might think that handjob would take this one. But that ain’t the case. You see, I am a big believer in focusing on what you are doing and if a girl is giving a handjob AND watching TV then her focus is divided and it probably won’t be a great handjob. This means the guy probably won’t fully enjoy the handjob or the show he is watching. Whereas, if the babe is on her knees just focused on sucking dick than it will probably be a very good BJ and the guy can fully enjoy it and whatever show he is watching.
ROUND 4 Winner: BLOWJOB
ROUND 5: CHEAPER
So guys, you’ve got yourself a hooker and you are either in an alley behind a restaurant next to a large garbage bin that smells like day old Chinese food, at a cheap otel (the neon M has gone out and the E is flickering, indicating that soon the sign will read OT L) or parked under a bridge with three homeless guys sleeping beside the car and gang graffiti on the walls. So far, so good, right? Now you take out your wallet – because, as we all know, they always want to see the cash first – and you realize that you don’t have as much money as you thought. You know you won’t be able to fuck her, so you ask her for a blowjob. She takes the cash from you, counts it and tells you that you don’t have enough for that. Well, you are super horny and you really don’t want to go back home to your wife so you ask the hooker, “What can I get for that amount of money?”
ROUND 5 Winner: HANDJOB
Well, folks, that was a close one. Handjobs sure did put up a good fight and stroked itself to victory in a couple rounds. But in the end, its hard to beat all that sucking. By a score of 3-2, we have our winner!
CHAMPION: BLOWJOB
Let us know what you think of this battle. Do you agree with the outcome or are you wrong?
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