✵ Holiday Porn Sale ✵ Check out our Top Porn Discounts including Team Skeet for just $4.95!

Here Cums John Review

SCORE

N/A

Like:

downloadable video

Don't Like:

mediocre-quality video
high-end membership fee

We may earn a small commission if you make a purchase through our links. It is how you support this site–thank you!

It's human nature to root for the underdog. We all seem to want to see the loser in life that can never score any pussy finally getting laid. Besides, in the world of porn, I know it's about seeing hot chicks having sex and who cares what the guy looks like although even the intro page of Here Cums John quotes Howard Stern as describing this dude having sex as "The most repulsive porn I've ever viewed."

Unfortunately, I've seen older and uglier men laying pipe into sweet, young sluts, nevertheless, John The Stutter as this amateur is called, is no stud. His look is vaguely reminiscent of John Lennon, post-Beatles break-up, except with a speech impediment instead of a British accent. He has managed to make somewhat of a name for himself by appearing numerous times on the Howard Stern Show promoting HereCumsJohn, which is in fact, a full-length DVD in which he starred contingent on profit sharing in its sales.

There are 12 regular-resolution galleries inlcuding many photos taken during the filming of Here Cums John. Many of these are outtakes and I appreciate the unattractive more when they don't take themselves too seriously. This appearance-challenged performer certainly doesn't swagger around as if he's cock of the walk. Meanwhile, he must have a certain charm since his luscious female costars look like they're having the time of their lives, laughing, giggling and taking loads of his cum that he describes as tasting like shit.

The 15 mediocre quality scenes on HereCumsJohn are downloadable in Windows Media format (320x240, 445kbps). There's quite a mix of action since many of the scenes are completely separate ventures from the DVD, with plenty of blowjobs , John licking hot chick heinie, a bit of S&M stuff such as candle wax play, plenty of straight fucking and of course, tons of facials . It would be better if the clips were higher quality but since John is depending on DVD sales in order to get paid… Although, just his getting laid should be payment enough in my mind.

There are five bonus sets of photos and four extra clips starring the women in solo action. John also promises an upcoming behind-the-scenes blog, blooper and candid home life section but for now, it's marked as coming soon. The medium-priced membership seems perhaps pricey since in a way the entire Here Cums John site is meant to sell the DVD of the same name, although much of the content is exclusive and separate from the porn video venture. Perhaps, one's 15 minutes last longer when you stutter your way to temporary fame and keep the game going by continually showing the lame getting lucky.